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Scientology, especially as you get closer and closer to L Ron Hubbard or David Miscavige, is an abusive group. And so it naturally fits that people will gather around to hear an Ex-Scientologists’ tales of abuse on the Internet.
I was involved in this practice of telling my tales of abuse since the earliest days of Internet Anti-Scientology. I would talk about how they followed me, went through my trash, sent people in on me to have lunch with and sat at a nearby table to listen in. Sent in “girlfriends” to surveil and psyop me. Got me fired from my job. Destroyed business ventures of mine with clients. Tried to force everyone in my family to disconnect from me. Drove me to the brink of bankruptcy (I finished the job all on my own 20 years later). And all the other ways they’ve tried to destroy me for the last 25 years.
But something happened to me after about ten years of telling my Scientology tales of woe on the Internet: I got sick of it. I realized that there were so many people who wanted me to repeat what Scientology did to me for being an out-spoken critic of them, I saw that this whole activity was keeping me from moving on from this abuse.
At first it was therapeutic to have people to tell these things to. And I knew that telling others my stories would also expose Scientology’s abusive practices. So I kept it up.
But then, it just became sappy. I had no use for these stories any more. They were no longer cathartic to tell. They were actually continuing the abuse. And I did not want these stories to be who I told myself I was.
So I stopped.
And, over time, I’ve become a very unsympathetic character.
Making Abuse and Tragedy Part of Your Identity AND Self-Identity
Everyone has suffered tragedy and abuse in their lives. You do not get out of this lifetime, or any other lifetime, without it. I even belong to a religion that states that its First Nobel Truth is “All Life is Suffering”. That is of course a mistranslation of the Pali word ‘dukkha’ for the English “suffering”, but nonetheless my religion has lots of very valuable teachings on compassion and lovingkindness.
From what I have gathered, Buddhism teaches (and I’m no expert) that practiced compassion is the carrier wave to enlightenment. It is central. Only by the practice of compassion can you ever learn the lessons necessary to enlightenment. They teach that compassion allows you to see into everyone else’s suffering, and through that, realize the truth of our collective existence.
So I have a glimpse of recognizing the value of the suffering of others, including animals, plants, bugs, and even spiders (except in my bedroom at night – then it’s all-out fkn war).
Recognizing others’ suffering makes us human, and here’s the fucked up part – that can be used on you.
Martha Stout’s “The Pity Play” From Her Book “The Sociopath Next Door”
Everyone has suffering.
The question is, do you LEAD with it?
Do you make it part of the package you want everyone else to know you? And do you remind people of your suffering every time you face criticism, or seek to gather others against your enemies to fight your battles for you?
Because that’s where things get suspicious.
From the website StevenSurman.com, he writes:
“Martha Stout warns, however, that one defining tactic employed by sociopaths to keep people under their control is the “pity play.” This is the closest you will come to finding a scarlet letter branding someone as a sociopath.’
“What exactly should you be looking out for?’
“If someone is shallow, manipulative, and they simply take and take from you with little regard for anything else (let alone your wellbeing), you better sit up and take notice. Most of us do, even if we are quick to explain it away with our own rationalizations.’
“Eventually you might have had enough and start pulling away. A sociopath won’t put up with this, so he or she will appeal to your sense of generosity, forgiveness, and understanding by pleading for pity. Get ready for a laundry list of all the woes, troubles, and hardships that have assailed the sociopath throughout an entire lifetime.’
“In the words of Martha Stout from The Sociopath Next Door:’
“The best clue is, of all things, the pity play. The most reliable sign, the most universal behavior of unscrupulous people is not directed, as one might imagine, at our fearfulness. It is, perversely, an appeal to our sympathy.”
“Martha Stout continues later on in The Sociopath Next Door:’
“When deciding whom to trust, bear in mind that all the combinations of consistently bad or egregiously inadequate behavior with frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless person’s forehead as you will ever be given.”
“Never fall for it.’
“It’s an act.”
Anti-Scientology is FILLED with Pity Plays Vying For Your Loyalty, Assistance in Their Battles, and Money
I will not name names from my own experience in this community unless I have to. And if I have to, I will tell the FULL stories.
Instead, I have provided the best and most simple tool you can use to spot this kind of exploitation of the best parts of you.
One of the reasons I became “Alanzo” so many years ago is that I realized that Scientology had exploited the best parts of me for their own gain. And then trashed and tried to destroy me when I realized it and pulled away.
I’ve since learned that not only Scientologists do that, but Exes and Never-Ins do that, too.
The Pity Play is rampant in this “community” right now.
Be warned.